Friday Excerpt: Elizabeth Gives Up

Another excerpt from the new novel Breath(e)

Word Count: 477

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Susan opened her mouth to keep arguing, but Elizabeth guided her out the door with one hand on her mother’s arm, and shut it behind her. This would make Susan happy. Giving up was the best option. It would get her mother to stop complaining. Elizabeth would just stop dating. Lots of people did it and lived their lives without a partner.

She could see her future. Alone. She would be the cool “aunt” to her cousins’ children. She’d have an apartment, dedicate herself to work, enjoy late nights watching YouTube videos and touching herself.

She lowered her head and smacked her forehead against the closed door. It wasn’t what she wanted. Not that anyone cared what she wanted. Maybe she could at least find someone to have sex with once in a while. Maybe Stewart would come to visit occasionally. It wasn’t ideal, but it could keep her going in a life of disappointment. No one cares what you want.

No happiness. No husband and children and house. Alone. Alone. Alone. It wasn’t fair. Why had she been hoping for fair? Millions and millions of people on the planet and wasn’t it enough that many of them got the life Elizabeth wanted for herself? All she had done was get born, that didn’t give her the right to expect happiness. Go through life, just get through it, one day after the next and it would be over. None of this would matter. The lump at the pit of her stomach wouldn’t matter. She could just die and it would all be meaningless. With that perspective, why should she care what life brought her?

It seemed like such a simple want. What was so bad about wanting that simple life? She imagined what she could have had, what was the harm in it? She imagined Christmas with her family, sitting on the lap of a cute paraplegic. She imagined leaning back against him, whispering in his ear. She pictured a home, cooking in the kitchen when he came home and insisting on a kiss before she’s let him taste the pasta sauce. She pictured sitting beside him while their children watched Sesame Street. Why was that so hard to get? How did life get set up this way? Why would anyone create a world where it was so difficult to get a happy life?

Could she be one of those women who lived alone and was satisfied with work? Could she make the world a better place and help other people to get their happiness? It was the only possibility right now. She could drive herself mad pursuing a dream that life didn’t want to give her or she could start focusing her energy on helping other people live happy lives. Seeing people she cared about happy would be enough for her. It would have to be.